Journal
Archives Favs
Gallery
Videos
Friends
Followers
Content
Links Pages Files
pretentiousbliss
renee reese
Philippines

About

Incomprehensible.unpredictable. you may see me in my biggest grin but my inner thoughts is melancholic. angry. jealous. Im aiming for everybody's happiness but I cant find one for myself. I self pity --a lot,.well, I allow to. I am a woman with two personalities. one who everybody sees who is genuinely happy and the other who is bitter on her fate. but I am searching. I am seeking..and everyday there's one person I've come to know better, and that is my savior, my redeemer--my Lord. and with him I find another person, a woman of contentment.

Categories

     
    January 28, 2008

    my super best friend


    pretentiousbliss

                      Nang dahil sa alcohol, ayun umamin na rin si super bestfriend na something's going on with them ni guy best bud..

    She's happy and ayoko pigilan yun. Ngayon ko lang siya nakitang ganun kasaya. Nasasaktan ako kasi walang commitment, may mga agreements na hindi legal and she doesn't deserve that pero like motty, like her--tanga!

    I already told her to anticipate pain. the fact na si best bud eh hindi pa officially nakipagbreak sa girlfriend niya ng 4 years? hahaha.. Does this  sound familiar? Parang dejavu ba? Im really bothered kasi same events, same situation yung meron ako dati sa anong meron sila ngayon and look what happened, I am still recovering.

    I dont know where will I stand. Wala akong karapatan na pigilan kung anong meron sila..It hurts kasi alam ko in the end my bestfriend would get hurt and wala akong pwedeng gawin kundi iabsorb lahat yun..

     

     
    Currently feeling: scared
    Posted by pretentiousbliss on January 28, 2008 at 08:34 AM | 2 poured sympathy
    January 19, 2008

    crazy love

     

     

    awww..

    a real smile on my face...

     

    lucky girlfriend.:p

    Posted by pretentiousbliss on January 19, 2008 at 10:55 AM | Add a Comment
    January 18, 2008

    is it my year?


    pretentiousbliss

     

    Lighthouse--

    Wow!It is really nice to the ears. " Saang dept ka na?" , "lighthouse" I would proudly answer., " talaga?" everybody would respond like you are a big thing. Whoa! If they only know and understand what lighthouse really is doing..waaa...I wanna go back to making calls!!!!

    They say that those who are born this year is lucky.- in love, money and career. But hey!I am born in year of the rat but haven't received any luck since the year started! No lovelife, No money ( bankrupt since my prolonged leave of absence), No career ( lighthouse hasnt really accepted me yet).No friends? I hardly see and keep in touch with them now..

    Meanwhile since I am currently reporting to UAT someone just really caught my attention kasi ang cute niya, todo!haha. His name is Jef, an IT projects chuchu, we reported to him since monday. Oo, naaliw ako sa kanya kasi tagal ko na sa company na ito at may nakatago pa pa lang ganung hitsura..hhahaha. And I really admire how he speaks, with a very maarte tone and he's really " conyo" ha?! Yun lang, nakakaaliw lang talaga siya..ala naman talagang spark eh,.pero when I shared this to my friends, they just told me na " haay..totoo ba yan?o panakip butas na naman?"

    No comment.

    And here  is Chip, binebenta ako sa kaibigan niya, He gave my number and we began texting last week. Hindi naman talaga ako marunong makipagtextmate eh, but I'm just giving it a try wala namang mawawala sa 'kin.

    I'm now allowing myself to date and meet other people. I wont limit myself to fun and happiness. Medyo ok na ako ngayon, may pagkakataon na nakakalimutan ko na si Tiong. Sabi nga, time heal all wounds..and I am healing..Medyo matagal na rin eh. Time would help me forget.

    Nagkasalubong nga kami kanina sa elevator,. I smiled first- natural. He smiled back naman,. usually kung ibang tao yun na kilala niya, he would smile and say " uy kamusta na?". But it was me, and it's not my fault na it WAS me. Nung nasa elevator nko, there were flashbacks of everything-- of happiness, of  pain.

     

     

    Posted by pretentiousbliss on January 18, 2008 at 07:14 AM | Add a Comment
    January 8, 2008

    happy new year!


    pretentiousbliss

     

    Wow. It's been so long!

    I had a very long vacation. I had a leave from work for 3 weeks. Imagine! It was really great. I went home in Davao and spend holidays with my family. The best part? SUPER SLEEP!!!!! hahaha. I wake up at 7 in the morning, paliguan c chub2, breakfast and then at 9 or 10 am Im back in bed,.I went out with friends, who I really miss and forgot about work and misery for a while.

    I made a list of my new year's resolution..

    To share,

    1. A closer relationship with the Lord, attend water baptism finally this year.

    2. Provide better for my family.- get a loan to give Papa a business of his own.

    3. Be  more matipid.- get a personal savings account.

    4. Not to rush things- I don't suggest that I'll be involve in special relationship this year but if God would wink taht this is the right man already and I acknowledge the right reasons, well, can't say no to fate.

    5.Let go of him and be happy. - Never share any sentiment, comment about him na. Wag na wag ng mauuna. Kung may magtatanong, manunukso, react a bit but NEVER mauuna.

    So I got back to work today. Lord has been really a friend lately, nakikinig, answers back, nagbabadya, nagjojoke..hahaha.He's amazing. I prayed hard na sana when I'm back to work mas magaan ng makita siya kasi it's been the longest time na hindi kami nagusap at nagkita, ni walang text dumaan na christmas at new year diba? Nang pumasok nko, kamustahin naman! siya ang unang officemate na nakita ko this 2008!!! Lord naman eh..hehehe

    I greeted everyone. Everybody was excited to see me, ung iba nga sumigaw na ng nakita ako..hehehe.hugs and kisses ganyan..When this very close friend Argie was beside him at ang kipot ng daan. Argie called me, so ng pinuntahan ko cia nadaanan ko c ex, wala lang siya..ako na lang nauna. A  pat on  his back and said happy new year but he was speechless.

    So I started my new job to this new program. I had my first break when biglang nagkasabay kami sa elevator. Grabe hindi na nga magka department, ngkakaslubong pa rin. He was with April, eh c April nabaliw ng nakita ako so chika-chika kami..pero he intruded..

    " ang ingay ni motty"

    thanks to my SPR.hehehe

    " ang ingay ni tiong..ang taba mo na tiong..super kain?"

    hahaha..natawa siya, kala niya ha?hahaa..

    For me, it sounded casual..it sounded friendly and he seemed to see me happy..

     

    ( sorry failed # 5 today, I have to renew it.)

    6. DONT TALK ABOUT HIM IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS. ( ok lang dito sa blog!hehehe)
    Posted by pretentiousbliss on January 8, 2008 at 01:51 AM | Add a Comment
    December 11, 2007

    moving on

    Before anything else meet my baby--chub-chub ( usericon), the one who gives a smile on my face this past few days...
     
    Amazing si Lord. alam niyang di pa rin ako natitinag sa kabaliwan ko sa ex bf ko na ito kaya he made another step. Matatransfer ako ng ibang program. Well yeah, I would no longer see my friends and super friends in Titan and I would no longer see them. It really made me sad when the case was said to me. I have no complaints of being transferred to another program, nakakalungkot lang talaga.Worse, I would no longer see him, which makes my moving on now REAL.
    Nagrereklamo pala ako nun ha na di ako makpagmove on kasi araw2 ko cia nkikita, nkakasama.. kaya sabi ni Lord, " ok transfer to different program motty.."Ü


    Last Friday was my last day. hindi ako makakilos kasi nalulungkot talaga ako, at nabibigla pa ako sa mga nangyayari, ang bilis kasi. Nasgulat nko ng parang farewell letter sa kanya, pero di ko masend-send..letter full of apologies, of thank yous, of see yous..lahat ng gusto kong sabihin, andun na.. I told myself na isesend ko na lng yun ng last minute para he would not get any chance na magreply pa.Sabi ng friend ko ,wag ko na daw cia iemail kung may concern naman cia, he'll make a way na makapgusap kami for the last time..galing ni LOrd 15 minutes before log-out, nagulat ako may email ako from him.



    From: T
    Sent: Friday, December 07, 2007 3:55 PM
    Subject: maot

     maot lam ko last day mo na.... sometimes lyf is so unfair
    kung alam mo lang nalulungkot din ako sa mga nangyari....  
     kung may magagawa lang ako
    diko alam kung bat ung mga mababait na tao pa usually nag ssuffer....
    hay.... sana mapatawad mo ulit ako sa mga nagawa ko
    sau at sana lagi kang mag iingat.... tska lapit na pala graduation mo
    congrats...  


    ng nabasa ko, naiyak na lang ako..I did not expect na he would still make me feel na he still cares. kaya sinend ko na rin ung letter ko.


    From: R
    Sent: Friday, December 07, 2007 3:57 PM
    To: T
    Subject: naunahan mko sa pagsend,..


     alam mo na cguro ung nangyari.
    baka this would be the last day na i will see you dito ..baka pa naman.
    the last time na nagusap kasi tayo naalala ko ung sa elevator tapos sabi mo
    na ako una nagttxt sa kanya, di ko na naman guro kelangn na ipagtangol sarili ko.
    kilala mo naman ako. at saka tapos na yun..sobrang tgal na. and mukhang ok na naman kayo,
    Im glad na nasettle mo na sarili mo..
     
    I just want to say sorry for everything- na nasira ko ung relationship mo with her.
    Kung meron man akong pinagsisihan un ung nasaktan ko siya at nagkasala ka sa kanya dahil sa akin.
    Sana naisip ko un dati kasi babae din siya..
    Sobrang nagsosorry ako kay Lord dahil dun kasi sobrang mali talaga ginawa ko..
    If ever there are chances, tell her sorry for me.
    I’m really sorry kung nagulo ko buhay nyo dati.alam mong ndi ako kelan man nagalit sau,
    I even owe you an apology dahil dun..Im sorry.
     
    I’m always praying na you'll be okay. Thank you for being part of my life,
    It was one of the nicest and happiest moments I’ll always have. It was really nice knowing you.
    You are a nice person tiong, alam ng mga tao yan..
     
    If ever man na you need someone to talk to or anything, you know I am more than willing
    To be your friend..hinihintay lang naman kita..alam mo namang nahihiya ako pag nahihiya ka din..Ü
     
     
    Yun na! nasabi ko na lahat!hehehe…
     
    Ingat.God bless.. See you when I see you.. Ü.


    After this..nagoffer cia na maghatid pero tumanggi ako so tumawag siya sa cp. Wow!finally nagusap kami, after a long time. sabi niya kung pwede ba daw ako lumabas ng gabi and I said yes antayin ko na lang daw text niya at wag ako mauuna kais kasama niya si girlfriend niya..ok fine-- this is for the last time, I said. Nagising ako ng 10 pm pero walang text, walng miscol,.kumain, naligo, anticipating na darating siya at tutuparin niya kasi huli na 'to eh.. pero 2 am na, tumawag siya..he can't make it.
    We talked sa landline, from 3am- 5 am..parang may shift. We talked about work, tungkol sa pagtransfer ko, tungkol sa mga officemates, tungkol sa massyang nakaraan, tungkol sa mga naging observations namin sa isat isa lately.. then he said..


    " mot, hindi ko na talaga palalampasin to. gusto talaga kita makasama, gusto kita makita..bukas pwede ka ba? mga 3am kasi 2 am ang shift niya ( gf nia) pagkahatid ko sa kanya, diretso ako sa inyo, cge na please..I wont take no for an answer.."


    Ako naman si gaga, ok fine. mga 3 am..weird pero I agreed. Mahal ko pa talaga 'to e..bhala na, gusto ko lang din talaga igrab ang chance tobe with him..
    Sunday na, Im preparing for church and daydreaming what would happen later at 3am.then I got a text message..


    " sori mots ndi ako pwede maya, ncancel shft ni ( gf ) eh.badtrip talaga, m rili sorry.xcited pa naman ako.sori ulit.txt na lang kita ng mnday shft.nway, ingat.."


    can't help it. I cried.
    Currently feeling: contemplative
    Posted by pretentiousbliss on December 11, 2007 at 08:15 AM | 4 poured sympathy
    « Newer · »